


Another Lover Hits the Universe

by SOMETHINREAL



Category: Day6 (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, But the angst only comes in later, Drinking, I don't know how to tag this, M/M, Set in 1947, Smoking, Theft, Writer! Brian, Writer! Jae, Writer! Sungjin, and grungy, angsty, idk - Freeform, kill your darlings au, past manipulative relationships, this is kinda soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-15
Updated: 2018-09-15
Packaged: 2019-07-12 15:23:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15998018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SOMETHINREAL/pseuds/SOMETHINREAL
Summary: First thought, best thought.(alternatively: the one based on kill your darlings where Brian will do almost anything for Jae and Jae thinks he’s a genius).





	Another Lover Hits the Universe

**Author's Note:**

> this is based entirely off of the film kill your darlings to the point where i actually used dialogue from the film because i just wanted to insert jaebri into this without the murder and bad endings. sungjin is older than both of them in this! he is a senior while brian and jae are a freshman and a sophomore respectively. also! i'm not entirely sure who the matthew character is; he could be BM or he could be an oc, it's entirely up to you.

Jaehyung Park is quite a strange species of person. He’s cunning, doing things on impulse (first thought, best thought, as he so often tells Brian), not shy to speak his mind and do things that appear strange to those around him (and even to Brian himself). When Brian Kang thinks of Jaehyung Park, he thinks of the first time they’d ever met, thinks of the first words that he’d ever uttered to Brian. Though not directly. But Brian still remembers how his eyes lingered on Brian even when campus security had chased him out of the library.

(The scene had gone as so: Brian was a freshman at Columbia and on the tour of campus. They’d been in the library. The sacred library, as the then tour guide had told the newcomers. Brian had spotted him instantly, the head of clearly bleached blond hair too hard not to miss (where he’d gotten it done was another story. Brian had still yet to ask him, because a dyejob that good was hard to find anyways. Dye jobs at all were practically unheard of). And it happened in an instant; one second Brian was listening to the tour guide explaining the sacred books, the next Jae (though, Brian at the time did not know his name) was on a table, exclaiming, “Well, let’s give them a reading, shall we?”

The tour guide had no idea what was going on, nor did anyone else in the library. The blond had cleared his throat and begun to read from a book that Brian could not see the cover and could not name from the excerpt. “On this Sunday afternoon when the shutters are down and the proletariat possesses the street, there are certain thoroughfares which remind one of nothing less than a big, cancerous _cock_ .” And in this moment, Jae dropped to his knees and thrusted a lamp between his thighs. He clearly wanted to give the crowd a visual. Everyone was disgusted and confused, one girl was somehow aroused, and Brian, he was just amused. _Who the hell is he?_

(Later, when the campus security had been called, and the tour guide assured the freshmen that this has never happened before, Brian couldn’t help but catch the way the boy looked at him while running from the guards)).

He’s a little bit rough around the edges and closed off; Brian has known him for almost four months and still knows nearly nothing about him despite spending nearly every waking moment with him in his dorm (which is a mess all the time but feels more homey than Brian’s tidy dorm room he shares with a football player named Ashton) with or without him, writing plans for his vision. Jae’s the kind of spontaneous guy that will do anything and everything just because something pops into his head.

First thought, best thought.

(One occurence of this whole ‘first thought, best thought’ scenarios was the first time Brian and Jaehyung had gone out together. It was the day they met, with Brian a freshman, Jae a sophomore, out to not the party that Ashton, Brian’s roommate had invited him to, but instead one with Jae’s friends. Upon entering, Jae had told Brian that same thing, the first time of many. “First thought, best thought,” with a tiger grin before he pulled a blonde girl away from her conversation and kissed her right on the mouth. Brian was confused. Firstly, what the hell does that even _mean_ , and secondly, why the hell was his new friend ruining some girl’s lipstick while he was  left to watch awkwardly in his turtleneck, a freshman who didn’t drink or smoke or even leave the house if he didn’t have to. They kept walking after the two broke apart. 

“Did you know her?” Brian asked, seeing as Jae hadn’t attempted to make conversation with her at all before or after the kiss. Jae scoffed.

“No,” he said, like it was obvious. “And God, I wouldn’t like to. She tasted like stale cigarettes and posh sophistication.”)

Another thing about Jae: he has this vision of how the world should be and how he can change it himself. Or, how he can have Brian (and occasionally Sam) writing the stuff he needs and Sam to provide the drugs they need to actually have them doing much of anything, but their team dynamic relies mainly on Jae’s incredibly ridiculous thought process. _One million words_ , or so he said. They do all of this while avoiding Matthew, who Brian does not know much about but can infer that 1)  is a crazed ex-lover and 2) is completely and utterly infatuated (better worded: obsessed) with Jae. (why Jae still talks to him, is something Brian does not know, but he has a feeling that it has something to do with the papers that they’re assigned in Literature class that Matthew gives him with _Jaehyung Park_ scribed on the bottom in ink too dark, too fresh to be from Jae’s typewriter).

The vision is this big, crazy thing that Brian can still hardly wrap his head around despite having been part of making it happen for months. It revolves around life’s cycle, the circle, of the fact that everything is just stuck in a continuous loop that just repeats and repeats, and somehow Jae is going to break it. But he needs Brian’s help. He needs him to cut things from books and proofread essays that were not written by him and write a piece of work that Brian has been trying for for weeks, but can’t seem to get right. He scraps every single version that he has, trashes it. It’s not worthy of Jae reading it.

Tonight he’s in Jae’s dorm, although Jae himself is not there, out somewhere. Brian thought he’s be back earlier, because he’d shown up around five, opened the door with the key that Jae had given him only two weeks into their friendship, because he’s weirdly forward and had said that Brian was _the one._ Whatever that meant. It’s nearly eleven o’clock. Jae’s out past curfew.

Brian is in his bed in underwear and a tank top and a housecoat that his mother had made him bring upon leaving home. It’s warm and soft and smells like Jae’s cologne from the days he steals it without Brian’s notice. Their relationship peculiar. Jae treats Brian like he’s more than just a normal friend but doesn’t seem to notice any of the advances Brian subtly tries to make. (Yes, it’s 1947 and yes, Brian Kang is in love with Jaehyung Park and yes, it is very, very, illegal, but he can’t do anything about it now, can he?) It’s actually gotten a tad bit frustrating. But Brian can’t complain. Or do anything more. It’s too risky. All he needs is going to jail before he graduates.

(It must be mentioned that when Brian had walked into Jae’s dorm, expecting to see Jae, he was faced with none other than Matthew.

“Are you looking for Jae?” he had asked. It must also be mentioned that Matthew does not like Brian because the thinks that Brian is taking his place. (A place that was never his to begin with).

Another honourable mention: the last time Jae had read Brian’s work (though, not work he had asked for, simply a stupid essay for his Literature class that he’s needed to bluff for a good mark), he’d called it childish and ill-thought out. He’d said that if he kept this work up, Jae would be forced to find a _real_ writer instead. Told Brian that maybe he wasn’t cut out for the job. It broke Brian’s heart, of course, but he didn’t think that Jae would actually do it).

“Why are you here?” Brian had asked through seethed teeth. “You’re not allowed to be here.”

“Funny, seeing as I’m the only thing keeping him here,” Matthew said.

“Not anymore,” Brian told him. Matthew narrowed his eyes. “Where’s Jae?”

“He’s out,” he said nonchalantly, dropping a paper on Jae’s desk and standing up. “with a senior,” he adds, “Football player, and a writer. Handsome, too. Seokjin, was it? Ah, _Sungjin_.” Matthew laughs, stopping in front of Brian before leaving, to speak. “A piece of advice, Brian. You don’t know Jae. You think you do, and as soon as he knows that you’re starting to, he vanishes. Poof! Gone with the wind. So don’t keep trying. It’s a lost cause.”)

Jae shows up at quarter past eleven. He’s wearing the same coat that he’d thrown over Brian’s shoulders the first gathering that Jae had taken him to, the same coat that he’s been wearing when he shoved a cigarette between Brian’s lips and said _Take a drag, BriBri_ , and Brian just _did_ because he didn’t know what else he could do and didn’t want to disappoint Jae.

“What are you, moving in?” he asks, taking off the same coat that felt rough and scratchy against cold skin but smells like cigarettes and red wine and something specifically Jae that Brian has thus become accustomed to.

“Where have you been?” Brian asks. It hardly phases him when Jae begins to strip himself of his clothes, removing article by article until he stands in nothing but his underwear and his undershirt (Jae never takes his shirt off to sleep, nor does he ever take it off at all. Brian’s seen him change before, and even then, he didn’t take it off. He’s truly a strange thing. Brian wouldn’t be surprised if it was part of his body at this point).

“I went out to find a _real_ writer,” Jae tells him. Brian feels his chest squeeze but he doesn’t show it on his face.

“You mean Sungjin?” Jae narrows his eyes but doesn’t comment on it when he pulls off his socks and begins to crawl into bed next to Brian. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“What, am I supposed to write you news report on everything I do?” Brian stays quiet, fumbling with a few pieces of paper that he’s folded up. It’s the real writing that he’s made for Jae. He’d come over today to show it to him. It’s the best thing that Brian has ever written. Jae sighs upon the lack of answer, then tilts his head to the side like a dog. “What’s that?”

“It’s nothing,” Brian lies, shoving the crumpled paper into his pocket. Jae just shakes his head and flops over so that his back is to Brian.

“If you’re going to stay, don’t hog the blanket,” Jae says, then pulls it over himself. Brian lays down next to him, but doesn’t get under the blanket at all. He doesn’t think he can handle it.

It’s quiet for a moment where Brian is just staring at him. “Why is Sungjin a real writer?” Brian asks Jae, but he might as well be asking a brick wall. For a while, Brian thinks he might be asleep already until he pipes up. 

“When you meet him, you’ll see.”

 

-

 

Sungjin Park (no relation between him and Jae, just a coincidence) is the second most strange person that Brian has ever met. He’s very rough and tough, throws a football at Brian’s face even though he says no, but purposely misses so it hits the wall instead. Naturally, it knocks down a painting that lands on Brian’s head, which then separates the painting from its frame, which is now dangling from Brian’s neck. They’re both laughing while Brian sits there in shock, but Brian still can’t hate him even though he’s Brian’s replacement. Sungjin is a loveable guy.

Brian can however, hate some of his writing. Well. It’s not that he hates it. It’s just that Brian would make a few corrections here and there (and by here and there, Brian means everywhere because it’s so grammatically incorrect that Brian is close to pulling his hair out). Jae, however, thinks it’s the greatest piece of work that’s ever graced this earth. Brian can’t help but disagree, but keeps it to himself. If it weren’t for the spelling mistakes and lack of punctuation, Brian would have to hand it to him, it’s pretty alright. 

“So?” Jae asks, like Brian’s opinion actually matters on the subject, which Brian knows it doesn’t. “Isn’t it fantastic?”

“It’s um, missing some periods and commas,” he points out. Jae rolls his eyes.

“It’s better than anything I’ve ever read from you,” Jae says, and it’s flat and bitter and stings a little but Brian doesn’t let it show.

“I use periods and commas,” he says. It’s then that Sungjin jumps in.

“Don’t chew me out over there, you hear? Forget it. Let’s go out tonight, hmm?

“Out?” Brian asks. He doesn’t want to go out. He wants to show Jae what he’s written in the private of Jae’s dorm.

“Yes, you heathen, out! I know all of the good places we can go.” Sungjin is grinning this mad sort of grin that Brian can’t help but let intrigue him.

“Well I’m in, you know that. Bri?” Jae looking at him, and if Brian didn’t know any better, he’s say that it looks like Jae really wants him there. (and he probably does, but it’s hard to believe it when he’s been acting so cold lately).

“I guess…” Brian trails off, genuinely pondering. He could go home and write that paper that’s due in two days, or he could spend another night with Jae, drinking and laughing and scheming his vision. One of the options clearly sounds better in Brian’s head. “I’m in too.”

Jae grins. “Knew you still had it in you, Kang.”

Sungjin takes them to a bar where they stay long enough to get tipsy. They decide on walking through the dead streets together, cold air nipping at their noses. “So, Brian,” Sungjin says, snapping Brian out of the trance he’d been in, staring at Jae drinking from the bottle of wine that he’d nicked form the bar. “You don’t like my writing, eh?”

“That’s not it--”

“Everything he writes is true,” Jae cuts in, lips stained purple from the wine. “Sungjin worked as a merchant seaman for years on and off.”

“That’s right,” Sungjin says. “I’ve been trying to finish my last year for quite a while. I don’t even know why I come back anymore.”

“Why don’t you go back? To work?” Brian asks, shoving his cold hands into the jacket he’d remembered to bring.

Sungjin sighs. “Trust me, there are some times that I wish I did.”

“My good friends,” Jae interrupts yet again, holding up a hand. Brian and Sungjin stop behind him, curiously tipping their heads. “This is going to sound crazy,” he begins, which is ridiculous. Every single word that Jaehyung Park utters is crazy. “But if my eyes haven’t deceived me, there is an unattended, unchained motorbike with enough seats to accommodate us.”

And he’s right, there’s a motorbike painted powder blue leaning up against the side of a building. Brian swallows. Jae couldn’t be implying that they’re to steal it, is he? Knowing Jae, this is exactly the plan. “How do you suggest we--”

“Sungjin drives a motorbike,” Jae supplies.

“But how--”

“He knows how to hotwire a vehicle.”

There’s a devilish grin on Jae’s face, one that Brian finds very hard to say no to. He glances in Sungjin’s direction for confirmation, and he’s wearing a grin that matches Jae’s almost perfectly. “Guilty as charged.”

“Well then,” Brian says. He doesn’t want to, but how can he say no? “I guess it’s ours.”

Jae grins, claps him on the back. “Knew I could trust you, BriBri.”

 

-

 

Their plan falls through when the motorbike runs out of gasoline and stops dead in its tracks. Sungjin had been driving, and Brian in the second seat behind him with Jae in his lap. It made his head hazy, but Jae in his lap was the least of his worries when they haven’t got a way home. They sit on the concrete with the bottle of wine, now empty between them, their stolen bike leant up on its kickstand. Jae is grinning at him while Sungjin is trying to make him less terrified about the world.

“You’ve gotta stop being so high strung all the time, kid,” Sungjin tells him, his New York accent thick. Jae nods, grin widening around a cigarette. Brian furrows his eyebrows confused. “Just-- swear right now. The worst thing you can think of.”

“Um,” Brian says. “Fuck.”

Sungjin sighs. “With more conviction! What’s one thing you hate?”

“The school system?” Brian suggests.

“Going to bed past his bedtime,” Jae cuts in jokingly. Brian pushes him with his foot.

“The school system is good to start. Don’t listen to this idiot.”

“Fuck Columbia,” Brian says. The words feel strange on his tongue. He may hate the school system, but he doesn’t hate Columbia. If it weren’t for Columbia, he wouldn’t have met Jae. He supposes he says it just to see Jae smile at him. “They don’t know shit.”

Sungjin grins. “That’s more like it. Good. What’s another?”

“Fuck you,” Brian says, directed towards Jae, who raises an eyebrow, entertained. “You spew shit that I don’t even understand half the time. Fuck your million words.”

Sungjin raises an arm, triumphant. “Yes, kiddo! More, more, more!”

“You guys don’t know me,” Brian huffs out, pleased with himself.

“You’re right,” Sungjin says. “Who are you?”

Brian subconsciously palms the folded up writing in his pocket. It’s the good copy of what Jae had wanted before, the same thing that Jae asked about last night but Brian had hidden away in fear. If he’s going to make Jae believe in him again, this is the time. And so Brian pulls the paper from his pocket it and reads it with as much emotion and conviction he can muster because he needs this. He needs Jae to know that he hadn’t made a wrong decision. Needs him to know his worth. Needs Jae to know that Brian is the right person for this, that he’s the one.

He feels so utterly vulnerable as he reads his poem. Brian has never shown this side of him to anyone before. Not even his own father. He keeps this side of him, this scared, but bold part of him bottled up and hidden away. Anything that he writes on it stay bottled up and hidden away too. When Brian stops, the two men are staring at him, dumbfounded.

Sungjin speaks first. “That was beautiful, kid.”

He folds the paper back up and puts it into his pocket, heart pounding in his chest, awaiting Jae’s response. Jae’s eyes are soft, full of admiration for one of the first times since Brian has met him. “You wrote that?” he asks.

Brian nods. “You asked me to,” he says softly. Jae breaks into a grin, putting out his cigarette in the concrete.

“Why don’t you write like that all the time? God, I could _kiss_ you right now, Kang.” Brian is bright red, but brushes it off with a laugh. Jae then leans in close, gathering Brian and Sungjin so that they’re huddled together. “Here’s the plan, boys: We’ll do our whole spiel and then forget about it all. Forget Columbia. Forget everything. We join the Marines. Sail the world until the next war starts. Then jump ship and make it to Europe. For the liberation.”

Sungjin and Brian glance at each other, unsure.

“Think about it!” Jae exclaims. “First we take over Columbia, ruin their prestigious bullshit and let the world know we’re here, and then we take over the world.” Brian goes to speak, but Jae cuts him off. “We could do it. Sungjin knows the tricks! All we’d have to do it board a boat for a while and then flee. Easy peasy.”

“He’s right,” Sungjin says. “We could do it.”

“I don’t know,” Brian says sheepishly, scratching at the back of his neck. Jae leans over to shake his shoulders.

“Just imagine it, BriBri. It’ll be just you, me, and Sungjin, maybe Sam if he decides to sober up enough to be competent, taking over the world. Just us. We’d be invincible.” Brian thinks about it, really, really thinks about it, about him and Jae together in Europe living off somewhere discreet, writing, making their vision known. He grins, nods his head.

“Alright,” he says. “We’ll do it together.”

And their brief moment of glee is cut short when a blinding light is shone on them and they all look for the culprit: a policeman.

“Don’t move,” he says. “Put your hands up, all of you.”

“Fuck,” Sungjin curses under his breath.

God forbid a night without trouble.

 

-

 

Jae is almost charged with theft of the motorbike, but Brian takes the blame when he watches him storm out of the school office. His father slaps him square across the face, and the school, instead of expelling him, simply put him on academic probation for the time being until he works harder. And Brian, well, Brian just doesn’t care. _He doesn’t care._ He’s never felt this before in his life.

Brian is the type of person that cares too much about everything. He worries about trivial things like if people judge him for his messy hair or if his slacks are too high waisted or the wrong style with too many pleats. He worries about his father and his mother, and how they fight, worry about what his father thinks of him, worries about the fact that he’ll never live up to his father’s expectation, that he’ll never become the poet his father once was. He worries about Jae, about what he thinks, about concealing his feelings. He cares too much about caring too much. So it’s completely foreign when he just doesn’t. In fact, foreign may be too much of a soft term for it. Brian can’t describe it.

Later in the night he goes to check up on Jae, but is upset to find that he’s not in his dorm. He contemplates, though in the end, decides upon going to check with Jack in case he’d been there. Though, on his venture out of campus, Brian stumbles upon Jae sitting on the far side of campus of a wooden bench, a case, presumably filled with his things beside him and his knees to his chest, eyes puffy like a child whose parents are making him go away to a camp he hates.

Brian eyes the case, wooden with scuffed edges and clasps and letter stamps all over it. “Where are you going?” He asks. Jae sniffles.

“I’m sure you heard what happened in the office,” Jae says. And Brian had, and it wasn’t pretty. Jae had exploded over his mother telling the school about his past, clearly something he wanted to keep bottled up forever. He wasn’t happy, in the lightest of terms, upon finding out this fact. Brian chews his lip in lieu of a response. “You know me now,” Jae continues, “and I’m only good at beginnings.”

“So you’re just going to drop out?” Brian asks. Jae can’t just drop out. Things have only just begun. What about his vision? Europe? Is all of that as good as gone now that Brian knows part of Jae’s past?

“Good luck out there, Bri. You’ll do great without me.” Jae’s voice is lacklustre, monotone, as though he’s lost all ability to feel anything. Brian moves to him and grabs his suitcase, taking its place and placing it beside him. Jae glances up from where his gaze had been on the ground.

“They called my dad yesterday about it. He came in alone and started going off about how he didn’t raise me to befriend hooligans and lowlifes, and in the midst of his whole Brian-is-a-fuck-up spiel I realized that I don’t even care. I don’t care what he thinks. About what anybody thinks. I’ve never not cared about _anything_ , Jae. So I said that I suggested stealing the bike.”

Jae furrows his eyebrows. “Why would you do that?”

“Because I don’t want to be the scared kid the pin me for. I don’t want to live up to their expectation. I don’t want to be Brian, the little wimp from Brooklyn, I just want to be Brian, the poet who’s going to change the world with his best friend Jaehyung Park. Right now I’m on academic probation and they’re considering kicking me out for good. So you can’t leave. I need you here. You started something amazing and I can’t do with without you.”

Jae perks up. “Alright then, BriBri. Let’s show them what we can do, shall we?”

“You’re in?”

“Oh, Brian,” Jae says, looking to Brian like one would look at a chastized puppy. “You know I could never say no to you.”

 

-

 

On the kitchen table of Sam’s apartment, placed next to a book on Plato and a small, clear, plastic bag filled with amphetamines, lay the blueprints for Columbia’s library. The library, while resourceful for tough projects and books good for pastime, does happen to have a restricted section, of which the books are dirty and sexual, gory and criminal, banned from the prying eyes of students who want to learn more about the world for what it really is. A raunchy, murderous, disgusting place. In other words, this restricted section is the gang’s key to revealing their new world.

Jae is pacing, waving around a cigarette so violently that Brian is sure that he’s going to burn someone, while Sungjin and Sam work out the prints. Brian is trying to make sense of everything. Jae is spewing nonsense, but somehow, Brian knows what he’s on about.

“In the library there is a room,” Sam drawls, in his usual monotone, “A rather… interesting room.”

“Hundred upon hundreds of books hang up under lock and key,” Jae says, taking a drag. “The ones they don’t want us to see unless we get a special slip.”

“Lady Chatterly’s Lover, Ulysses, Billy Budd,” Sungjin rattles off, counting out on his fingers.

“The Kamasutra,” Sam says, grinning.

“It’s the voices of outcasts,” Jae tells them, “It’s our Bastille, boys. And, coincidentally, the first act of our vision. So, what are we going to do?”

“We’ll put it into the world,” Brian says, jumping when Jae slaps him right on the ass. Like a rider would to his race horse. Or in Brian’s case, more akin to a show pony. “ _Christ_.” Jae just laughs and shoves his cigarette between Brian’s lips.

“This isn’t a rebellion,” Sungjin says, “this is our payback.”

“Every great movement has commit a public act to announce their revolution, right?” Jae asks rhetorically. “It’s like how the Cubist’s stole the Mona Lisa from the Louvre.”

“Actually, that wasn’t them.”

“It should have been.”

“It wasn’t,” Brian says, eyes widening when Jae advances towards him. “It was actually--”

“Christ, logistics don’t matter, Brian!” Jae exclaims, moving to grab either side of Brian’s head and hold him steady. “What matters is that we need to figure out a plan to show them who we really are.”

In the background, Sungjin groans. Jae drops Brian’s face. “We’re going to get expelled.” Sam glances in Jae’s direction, shooting him a look that says _Yeah, probably._

“Did we come here to write history?” Jae asks, pointing a finger at the both of them. “Or did we come here to make it?”

The four of them share a look. It’s decided then. For the New Vision.

(And in four days, they do break into the library past curfew, with only minor difficulties. (If you consider running from campus security a minor difficulty) They change all of the biblical as serious books in the glass cases to dirty, the dirty, raunchy ones they’d talked about prior. Besides, what’s the fun in not running into some trouble in the midst of your grand plan?)

 

-

 

They’re out celebrating their victory when it happens. None of them are expecting it. It’s just them, Sam, Sungjin, Brian, and Jae, all drinking whiskey and smoking cigarettes to honour the vision. They just want one night of peace, of true celebration, but Matthew has to come in and ruin everything.

“Because you never showed up earlier, I thought you should have this.” The table, once laughing and giddy, falls silent upon Matthew’s surprise appearance. Matthew doesn’t speak, only places a report on Jae’s empty placemat. Jae picks it up, inspects it.

Brian clenches his jaw. “Maybe he didn’t _want_ to see you.”

Matthew narrows his eyes at Brian. “I think he can speak for himself.”

“Mhmm,” Jae hums, plastering on a smile and raising from his seat. “He says that we should all have another drink. I’m hardly feeling the buzz.” But of course, Matthew doesn’t let this happen.

“I think you’ve had enough celebratory drinks. Your little library stunt made the paper. I’m sure you’re all very proud of yourselves, then, hmm?”

“How do you know it was us?” Brian asks, trying his hardest to keep up his bravado but it falters with his confusion.

“I haven’t seen you in _days_ , Matthew,” Jae says. He’s in his chair again, staring blankly at his glass, still full. Matthew just smiles tinily, this sadistic, sick smile like he knows something that everyone else doesn’t.

“You left this at my place,” he says, pulling something from his pocket and dropping it in front of Jae. It’s his undershirt. Why would he have left it at Matthew’s apartment if he hardly ever takes it off? Oh, _god_. Brian blinks upon the realization, mouth suddenly dry. It’s silent for a moment as the three, excluding Jae, share a look.

“You told the guards we were there. Nobody else knew about it,” Brian says upon it hitting him, waving around his hand. The cigarette between his deft fingers leaves trails of smoke in its wake. Matthew shrugs. Sungjin jumps at him, but Sam grabs him by the back of the shirt and drags him back to his seat.

“You son of a bitch,” Sungjin curses, glaring. Brian and Jae stand up.

“You ratted me out. You _wanted_ me kicked out,” Jae spits, voice raising in volume, anger clear in his tone. Brian knows what happens when Jae gets angry, and it’s not pretty, but he wouldn’t mind seeing it be pushed upon Matthew.

“Calm down,” Matthew says, taking a step back. Brian grabs hold of Jae’s wrist, taping twice with his index finger. _You’ll be okay_ is what it means. They’ve made a system. “You’re losing your temper, Jae. We both know what comes after this.”

“I’m sure you do,” Brian spits, glowering at Matthew. He directs his attention to Jae. “Cut him off.”

Jae looks at Brian as though he’s asking permission. Three taps to his wrist. _A-okay._ “Good luck to you, Matthew.”

“Excuse me?”

Jae grabs the report and crushes it, shoving it into his full glass and further ruining it. Matthew’s eyes fill with sadness. Brian has to try hard to hide a snicker. “We’re done, Matthew. Best of luck to you. Don’t write me any more papers, don’t show up wherever I am, uninvited, and for the love of God, don’t come back to me. Ever.”

“You can’t do this,” Matthew says. “Jae we _need_ each other.” Jae doesn’t answer, simply retaking his place at the table and lighting a cigarette with the matchbox from his coat pocket. Brian does the same, his hand finding Jae’s knee under the table, squeezing twice. _You’re going to be fine._ “You said that I was everything to you. You-- you were everything to me, Jae, I--”

But Jae’s not listening. All he’s focused on is Brian’s hand on his knee, telling him he’ll be okay.

“Alright,” Sam says, grabbing his coat and standing up, “time to go, bud.”

“Jae, please, please, _please--_ ”

“Time and place, Matthew. Time and place,” Sam tells him, resting a hand on his shoulder. Matthew shakes it off.

“Fuck you,” Matthew spits at him. “You traitor.” They had been friends first, after all. Matthew takes his time at glaring at every single one of them, leaving Brian and Jae for last. Jae takes another drag. “You would be dead if it wasn’t for me,” Matthew spits, then storms off. With a look of apology, Sam follows. Brian does not know what this means, though judging by the absent look on Jae’s face, it’s not good.

After a moment, as though nothing had happened at all, Jae smiles tinily. “And you would be a dead _beat_ if it weren’t for me,” he says, then starts laughing. Brian joins in, then shortly after, Sungjin. “Get a load of that guy.”

 

-

 

They’re still a little drunk when Sungjin suggests it. They’re on a walk in the park when they find a barrel by the hill. In true wild Sungjin Park nature, he suggests that the should all take turns rolling down the hill in it. They all agree, but make Sungjin go first, knowing well that they probably won’t do it anyways, and besides, after the shitshow in the bar, they need a good laugh.

They set up against a tree, Brian holding the barrel steady while Sungjin climbs inside. Once he’s in and okay to go, Jae gives him one tough push, then falls down beside Brian on the grass. Sungjin’s screaming like a madman. Brian and Jae are cackling together.

“Sungjin!” Jae calls, “Sungjin!” but breaks out into a fit of giggles before he can get anything else out. Sungjin, clearly not having thought this through, crashes into the fence at the bottom of the hill with a loud exclamation of _Ow, fuck!_ that sends Brian and Jae into another laughing fit. Upon Receiving nothing else from Sungjin, Jae simply cries: “And he breaks his fucking neck!” then adds, “genius poet, Sungjin Park has broken his goddamn neck in a barrel accident andG _died_ , folks.”

As if on queue, Sungjin emerges from the barrel, raising his arms in glee. “Ho! He lives!” Brian exclaims. Jae cackles again beside him.

“Fucking excellent! Judges give it a…” Jae trails off, looking at Brian expectantly. Brian grins, holding up ten fingers. “A straight ten! Outstanding!” At the bottom of the hill, Sungjin collapses onto his knees and proceeds to vomit up his dinner. “Oh God! Sungin!” But he can’t stop laughing. Sungjin gives them a thumbs up before falling face first dangerously close to his pile of puke. “Alright, BriBri. It’s you turn.”

Brian makes a move to stand, put all the blood rushes to his head, so he flops right back down to were he was. “No, no, no, I can’t.” Jae just laughs.

“This is just the start of it all,” Jae says. What he means by that is unclear, but Brian still smiles anyways. He’s always been cryptic. Jae rests his head on Brian’s shoulder. “It’s your fault, BriBri. All of it’s on you.” Brian doesn’t respond, he can’t. Not when his heart is hammering in his chest so hard he thinks it might jump out. He looks down at Jae, who’s not looking at him, but down into the abyss of whatever lies beyond the fence. It’s too dark to see anything and Brian never comes here during the day so it’s hard to tell. The imaginative part of Brian wants to believe that it’s a world unexplored, but the harsh reality is that it’s probably some houses or a parking lot.

Jae looks beautiful under the moonlight, a word that Brian’s used to describe him many times before but there’s something so incredible about the way he looks to breathtaking all the time. In this moment, Brian feels the urge to kiss Jae more than he’s ever felt before. It’s probably the alcohol, but Brian’s head is hazy with the thought of it, with the ghost feeling of Jae’s lips against his own, something that’s never happened before, but Brian has dreamt of too many times to count. He checks his surroundings. There’s no one out for miles and Sungjin is out cold at the bottom of the hill. So Brian takes a chance. He touches Jae’s cheek with the tips of his fingers, startling him.

Jae glances up at him, bringing his face closer unintentionally. He raises an eyebrow. _What?_ Brian takes a deep breath. It’s definitely the alcohol talking. “First thought, best thought.” Brian thinks he finally understands it. And it is his first thought, though he presses his lips to Jae’s without much thought at all. Jae is still for a moment, presumably in shock, before he kisses back softly. Jae then pulls away, looking at Brian with confusion clear in his eyes. Brian just looks back, eyes asking _is this okay?,_ though not waiting for Jae’s response before kissing him again. This time, he’s more sure of himself, this time, Jae kisses back just as much.

Brian is pleasantly surprised to find that Jae tastes like cigarettes and the bubblegum he often chews, lips plush and warm and inviting where they take Brian in, his hand finding Brian’s waist. Brian cups Jae’s cheek with his hand, thumb running along the smooth skin he’s longed to touch for months. His tongue is soft where it curls, pushing its way into Brian’s mouth, and Brian can’t help but whimper quietly, letting him in.

“I think I just--” they jump away from each other. Sungjin is beginning to stand up, but he obviously hasn’t noticed them. “I think I just puked up ten pounds.”

Jae clears his throat, standing up and brushing off his pants when Sungjin begins to walk over. Brian sits up, in the grey area between contented and scared. “Let’s go, Sungjin,” Jae says once Sungjin reaches them.

“Bri, you coming with?” Sungjin asks, and Brian’s about to get up and join them when Jae interrupts.

“No, Brian has an analysis on Miller’s _All My Sons_ to write. It’s due tomorrow.”

“Excuse me?” Brian asks. It’s Jae’s paper. He’s asked Brian to help him with it earlier in the night because his ideas weren’t coming out right.

“I don’t know what I’d do without you, BriBri.” But it doesn’t feel like it right now. Jae looks absolutely frazzled, unsure of what to make of the situation. Does Brian blame him? Not at all. He blames himself. “Let’s go, Sungjin.” And then Jae is gone, and Brian is cold and alone in the middle of a park at twelve in the morning with tears running down his cheeks because he’s an idiot. He can’t go a day without ruining something.

“Fuck,” Brian says. It’s a bare breath of a whisper. His tears are hot on his cold cheeks. “Fuck you, Brian Kang,” he says to himself. “Congratulations, you ruined it.”

 

-

 

He’d written the analysis so that it sounded like Jae’s writing and not his own, because their professor would be able to tell, but it feels wrong writing the name Jaehyung Park in the bottom of the cover instead of his own. He hates that Jae has him coiled so tightly around his finger, he hates that Jae can make him do anything with just a glance. Brian fucking hates that Jae takes advantage of the fact that Brian’s in love with him. He hates it, but he keeps coming back.

He goes to Jae’s room to give him the paper at two in the afternoon. The door isn’t locked when Brian tries to open it, so it swings in with his gentle push. The room is different. Cleaner. Jae’s things are no longer lying around on the floor, no, all of his things are packed into a suitcase next to him in the corner of the room. His back is turned to Brian. He’s smoking a cigarette.

“Jae?” Brian  asks. Jae’s shoving sweater into a backpack. “I have your paper.” Jae just looks at him and zips up the bag. “Where are you going?” Brian asks. He knows that his voice is shaky when he speaks but he can’t help it. Jae is leaving him. In this moment, Brian feels very much like Matthew and he hates that too. He never wants to be that.

“I’m leaving. Sailing to Europe.” His voice is dead, emotionless, like he’s packed away all of his feelings into a little tight space in the back of his brain, chained and locked and never to be opened again. “Sungjin… knows how to get us there.” He glances at Brian’s look of hurt, then runs and grabs a notebook from his desk and puts it in the smaller section of his bag.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Brian asks, hurt. He’s closed the door and is walking towards Jae, who doesn’t look at him when he stops, only a foot or so between them.

“We both know why you can’t come.”

Brian can feel the tears pooling in his eyes, though he wills them away, covering his sadness with a hint of anger. He moves to sit on the bed, clutching Jae’s paper tight. “Fuck you,” he says. He’s crying now, but there’s still some bite. “Fuck you, Jaehyung Park. You’re a fucking _phony_. You’re a coward. You played me like a pawn and toyed with my emotions for what? You made me help you with all of your papers since Matthew’s not here to do it for you anymore?”

“Brian--”

“Shut the fuck up and listen to me,” Brian spits, standing up. He advances towards Jae, shoves the paper to his chest. Jae drops his cigarette in shock, puts it out with his foot before it burns the floor. “You got me and Sungjin and Sam to make your vision come true for what? Because you can’t fucking do it yourself, Jae. Admit it.”

  
“ _Brian_ ,” Jae spits, and it fucking stings. No insult could ever hurt more than the tone of voice that Jae had just used on him. “I made your wish come true. You were just a normal old freshman before you met me. I made you someone. I made your life extraordinary. You can go be you now. Alone. You don’t need me anymore. I certainly do not need you. So leave, Brian.”

Brian stills. “You don’t mean that.”

“ _Brian_.”

“You don’t really mean that, Jae, you know it.” Brian hardly gives a thought before he moves to wraps his arms around Jae, holding him tight and keeping him there. First thought, best thought.

“Let go of me, Brian,” Jae says, but the bite is gone, his resolve slowly crumbling. He doesn’t fight against Brian’s hold, in fact, he almost relaxes into it.

“Don’t leave,” Brian says quietly. “Please don’t leave.”

“I have to,” Jae says, and just like that, the whole mood changes. His voice is soft, delicate when he lets his arms snake around Brian’s waist, pulling him tighter. Brian goes slack against him. “I have to go, Brian, I have to get out of here. I’m so _scared_. He came to me last night at Sungjin’s. He did something bad, Bri. I need to leave. I can’t let him find me anymore.” Brian knows exactly who Jae is talking about and it hurts, it hurts so bad knowing what Jae is going through.

“You don’t have to do it alone,” Brian tells him. He runs his fingers through Jae’s hair the way he does when Jae can’t sleep and needs Brian to help him. Jae relaxes completely into the touch, letting out a quiet sob into Brian’s shoulder. “I can help you. I have relatives in Europe, we can write them and get their help. But you don’t have to do it alone, Jae.”

“I’m sorry.” Brian pulls back, holding Jae’s face in his hands. He’s never seen Jae cry before, ever. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Brian tell him. “You’re okay.”

“I didn’t mean it,” Jae says, “I do need you.” And Brian knows. Brian knows how Jae works. Knows his ticks, knows that he puts up this fake confidence and bravado that make himself seem tough, but underneath, he’s small and scared and _weak_ , so easily broken, always needing Brian to put him back together. “I need you so much.”

And Jae kisses him, and for a moment, Brian wonders if it’s fake, wonders if this is all part of the plan, but quickly throws it out the window. Brian has never seen Jae so broken before. Never seen him shift between moods so quickly. He’s never seen Jae admit that he still just a scared kid. Jae kisses him like his life depends on it, his hands, tugging at the lapels of the coat that once belonged to him, the one that Jae had wrapped around his shoulders last night because he hates seeing Brian shiver.

“I’m sorry,” Jae says against Brian’s mouth. Brian presses another featherlight kiss to his lips. “I’m so sorry, Bri.”

“It’s okay,” Brian says, because he’s scared and confused and swamped with so many emotions that he doesn’t even know what to say anymore.

“It’s not okay,” Jae says. “You’re right. I’m a coward, Brian. I let him ruin me. I used you guys to make my vision come true. I can’t even write my own assignments for god sake. I’m-- I’m a phony.”

Brian shakes his head. “You’re not. He did bad things to you, Jae. He manipulated you. It’s not your fault. The vision would be nothing without you fueling it, giving it the fire it needed. You know that.”

Jae nods. Brian can tell he’s trying to believe it but he can’t. “Okay,” he says.

“Okay?”

“Okay,” Jae tells him. He’s more sure of himself this time around.

“Just,” Brian says through a breath. “Don’t leave me here. Please. Let me come with you.”

Jae smiles. “I couldn’t leave you, Bri. Not in a million years.”

  
  
  
  



End file.
